I could visualize everything contained within the small tray even before I peeled back the foil cover - the gluey brown noodles, the glueier browner sauce, the single token strip of red pepper. And of course, the grizzled slices of chicken rendered nearly indistinguishable from the noodles; I'm not sure if that speaks worse to the chicken or the noodles. Nonetheless, it was lunchtime and I was hungry, so I twirled up a few strands and tucked into the soggy, pasty, nearly flavorless mess.

Naturally, the ideal beverage pairing to China Eastern's noodles is Bud Ice, a beer that I wasn't aware was still being manufactured. The whole experience was akin to finding a finding a bag from Panda Express that had been sitting in the back of your fridge since 1994 and being desperate enough to eat it.
Up yours, China Eastern.
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